April 13, 2000
Suffering
age: 44
gender: female
OK, what's with all the suffering suffering suffering?
I've been suffering and sad for so damn long that I'm wondering when will it end?
And please don't say "when I want it to."
I seem to be in a loop of 'self- awareness' that may have become 'self-absorbtion'.
I no longer believe myself to be what I once believed, and I seem to be healing healing healing from EVERYTHING.
I can't possibly have all of these wounds!
Or can I?
All of it has been stirred up by a friendship, a deep bond, which has been broken.
Now I have feelings of guilt, shame, doubt,you name the woundology...
Am I on the right track here, or am I trying to heal from something that simply doesn't need healing?
One phonecall from my friend, and I would feel OK.
It hurts to be forgotten, and I feel as if I screwed up my life, without even a friendship to show for it.
I love this person very much.
A few years ago I had money and youthful enthusiasm, the world was open and beautiful.
I made choices, and experienced the most alive, passionate, miraculous loving time of my life as well as a lot of hurt , betrayal and pain with my friend.
And now , "how can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing" to quote John Lennon.
How do I heal?
What steps can I take?
If I don't do something, I will be in trouble.
I need my dreams back.
And my Self.
And my friend.
I must stop feeling so bad.
Can you help me?
I need to clear this up so I can move .
Thank you.
age: 44
gender: female
Follow up to submission I sent earlier;
I feel as if I've been cut down every step of the way from my family and friends throughout my life.
At age 41, I met someone, who is well known and successful who asked me to join her, and together we were going to change the world.
We were friends and lived together for a year.
She ended our friendship 9 months ago.
Cut down again.
It's ironic, because she wanted me to live my potential, and wanted me to let my light shine, to unleash my stellar heart; and then she destroys me emotionally.
I feel as if I'm losing everything, like the blood is oozing out of my body by the pint.
Is this about support?
Emotional security?
Trust?
If I could only pinpoint what it is, I will heal.
Will you help?
Thank you
You're certainly in tune with what's going on astrologically...but I realize that it's no consolation, and suffering without understanding the meaning is simply torture.
This, however, is what's known as the Dark Night of the Soul...or the Night Sea Journey.
In the case of such genuine, painful soul suffering, it's often advisable to have some guidance in terms of how to best utilize it for healing purposes. Sometimes suffering alone is dangerous enough to just force one into an awful position that takes years to break free from.
Other times, the light goes on within a short period.
It's best to have the help of someone who has "done the heavy work" on themselves and can provide that light.
That's why I always tend to recommend Jungian counseling.
In this case it seems clear that there is only one simple, painful answer.
The love you need for yourself is NOT provided by the Other.
You need and deserve more than a phone call, and it can only come from within yourself.
That's a bitter pill to swallow...but if you can get the help that you deserve, you will find that to be the genuine panacea of the alchemists.
For now, you must look to your dreams and look for a helpful therapist. Looking for your friend is only going to lead you further astray.
I'm sorry.
kristo
Surrender
age: 45
gender: female
I'm feeling scared.
I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach and soul.
I had a dream where I was dipped into an oceanic body of dark cool mud that went down down down to the center of nowhere, and the only way out was to surrender; and hold on to a tied white sheet and be pulled out, only my hand began to slip from the weight of my own body in the mud, and I had to "hold on".
I feel like that; I'm holding on just to survive.
But survive what?
I feel as I've missed my chance to express my feelings to someone who was/is the most important person to me, and our friendship did not survive.
I miss her so much I feel lost in the Universe.
She knew me inside out, like no other.
I miss my friend, and there is a void as big as space itself.
Of course, this is a mirror for something, and I seek your guidance in helping me see what it might be.
thank you
Unfortunately the answer here tends to be the same as above, but the language of the dream as "Oceanic" and "dark" is telling.
So is the admonition of the dream to surrender.
That doesn't mean let go of life and hope.
It doesn't mean despair.
It means surrender to the pain because that which wounds is that which heals. Missing your friend is part of the legitimate suffering of the grieving process. Feeling frightened is also part of the healing process.
Going through it courageously will bring you to a more loving relationship with yourself but I still recommend counseling as the safest way to navigate this painful journey.
kristo