February 7, 2000
Life lessons
age: 26
gender: female
My question to you is "Are Bill and I meant to be?" I hope this is not too vague - you see, Bill and I have known each other for 8 years and been together for two. He has a deep emotional wound associated from a divorce 9 years ago. I care for him deeply, but I think through that care I have pushed him away. I feel we are connected and have been before in some way. I just really need to know if this was a lesson in my life - one I need to learn from and go on or one that is worth hanging on to and working for.
Thank you
Well...every experience lived through is a lesson. Life is valuable from day one and even spending 2 minutes in the bathroom peeing is an important thing. It's understood that when a Zen student achieves his satori and becomes a master, he simply lives...and his whole life becomes instructive. If it wasn't already valuable there would be no point in doing the work of becoming so consciously alive.
To address the specifics of your question, however is something I must confess that I'm not tuned in to at the moment. As I wrote in yesterday's horoscope...my psychic circuits received such a highly charged shock of feelings and personal insight in this zeitgeist that they're still smoldering and are simply deep only within the realm of my own psyche. I'm not connected to the collective in such a way as to give you a yes or no answer at this moment because it's extremely dangerous to do so when one is feeling so personally vulnerable and open.
There is, however, an absolutely infallible way of answering this question for yourself. It involves simply looking at and paying close attention to your dreams. They WILL reliably and lovingly give you the correct answer. Making an interpretation is not so simple...but that's only because we completely disregard dreams and their healing power in this society. Consequently...finding a way of learning the art of dream interpretation is such a precious and difficult thing. Teaching dream interpretation is one thing, however, that I feel is important for me to contribute to our society. It is, in fact, my own life path.... One which has been prepared in such a long and circuitous way for me. It's something that has been well worth working for.
Let me give you a small example from my own dreams. I realize by exposing my own life particulars in this way I am opening myself up to genuine psychic dangers, but unless the teacher is capable of giving everything he's got (when personally necessary)...he simply isn't capable of doing the work.
In my personal life, I've been involved in a very loving and yet very stressful relationship. It was not always clear which direction to take...i.e, towards Depth and greater Intimacy, or simply Out. This is the same question we all face, it seems...and although it has a connection to your situation...what is right for my Soul is NOT at all right for your soul. Only YOUR dreams can reveal the individual solution YOU need. With that caveat I must say that my dreams have consistently given me the indication that working towards Intimacy and holding the space of this relationship is what my Soul requires. A crucial dream occurred when I found myself entering the basement of the house in which I grew up. I was aware that I was in a nightmare as I was heading for what we kids euphemistically called "the back room". It was in the deepest, darkest and most terrifying area of the basement...meaning, of course, my own Psyche. The dream became lucid and I realized that I had a choice to either continue in the same direction...towards the source of whatever was the most frightening element of the basement / Psyche...or to simply bolt. I decided to continue on and quickly reached the farthest and darkest corner of the back room while feeling abject terror and courage simultaneously. It was at that moment that I felt I was actually sitting in the palm of God's hand. I pictured a large hand with my butt right in it, and my whole body supported by this hand. Then I noticed to the right and behind me the silhouette of a figure. I asked out loud who this was and realized it was intimately connected to the fear...and my courage, bolstered by the position of being in God's hand allowed me to ask once again for this figure to meet me face to face so that I could resolve and heal whatever was at the source of this childhood fear. With the understanding of a healing encounter about to take place I clearly saw who the figure was. It was my own Beloved of this new relationship.
After sitting with the dream (and discussing it with my own analyst) it wasn't difficult to recognize that I had been given the answer to my question. Psyche and the Soul are the author of our dreams. They are not simply egotistical wish fulfillments. As long as we can believe this...we can act accordingly...and it becomes absolutely clear that there is no reason for ever believing otherwise.
Pay close and loving attention to your dreams...they can guide you when you are absolutely unsure...and sometimes when you think you've got everything under control...they can also slap you right on your ass and tell you you're making a big mistake. The choice is always yours and the lessons are always remarkable regardless of what that choice is.
kristo