March 20, 2000
Loneliness
age: 47
gender: female
Having "existed" in life, I now strive to "live" life. I continue to "improve" in my process. One area of difficulty is in regard to my desire for a "sacred mate/lover/partner/husband". I was married once before: over 20 years. Have had a few lovers. Divorced now for 4+ years. I continue to reach out/in for my mate, yet draw to me "sweet" men, with some qualities that resonate BUT in the end each man is not available for monogamous, committed relationship. I have looked at what the metaphor in all this is for me. I have altered some of my thinking & then reach out again. So far, it continues to be the same sort of response. Do you have any suggestions? I struggle with my desire to be with a partner & yet I won't "be with someone" just to be with someone. I struggle with my loneliness. I know how to entertain myself; it just seems better to me with a partner & I miss that & am sad at the thought that I will remain alone. Do you have a sense about all this? Thank you for your help.
Taking the necessary steps to reclaim your life and soul is something that requires tremendous courage, great stamina and not just a little patience. The courage involved often concerns the area of relationship. Settling for what turns out to just "be with someone" is something that you are already working through and are experiencing how terribly difficult the process becomes at this point and why so much courage and patience is required.
The answer to your question lies in the loneliness. This is the place deep within the soul that Psyche is asking you to heal. Jung once described prescribing time to be absolutely alone for one of his patients (it is one of the most basic and powerful of all Jungian homeopathic medications). He explained how the man was delighted, saying that now he would take the opportunity to spend more time at home with his wife and his books and his music. In other words...he knew how to entertain himself. Jung then adamantly told him that all such activities were forbidden, and that he was to sit by himself...and with himself without any distractions or companions whatsoever. What occurs in such a dreadful space is the opportunity to dialogue with yourself and come to terms with what it is that you fear within that space of loneliness. You will find the InnerMale...Animus waiting for you in that space...and until you do, you will experience in outer relationships precisely what Animus is going through while waiting for you. You must learn the commitment to soul that you are striving to complete consciously...but which (I'm discovering) we all have tremendous unconscious resistance to.
Consider the time spent by yourself to be your own alchemical laboratory where you will encounter not only Animus...but the Wise Old Woman who has much more to give you than you can consciously imagine. When the work is well underway...you will be very surprised (and delighted) by what is produced.
kristo