Wednesday
April 7, 1999
Cancer / Gemini
I have the worst time figuring myself out. I am a Cancer, but also I am
very much a Gemini. These 2 signs constantly battle one another and it
is quite exhausting. I am completely ruled by moods and there is no way
to tell how I'll act next. My question to you is, is there any way that
I can find out "who I am" and control my moods. I was born on 6/29/81
at 5:23 am, if that helps you out. Thanks!
In the Personal Unconscious...of which your birthchart is something of a map...all pairs of opposites reside harmoniously side by side. Dark and light, male and female, good and evil, Cancer and Gemini. When they're charged with psychic energy, they make themselves felt in consciousness. I didn't say they make themselves known, because we often have the absolutely felt sense of something that we might Never be able to consciously name (as can be seen in the case of the famous pickles and ice cream desire during pregnancy). It takes a great deal of experience, good will and hard work to figure out what those moods and feelings really signify.
In your case, it appears that Introversion clashes with Extraversion. Real feelings clash with the desire to gossip...you desperately look for a quiet corner in the middle of a very busy and noisy party...one that you urgently desired to attend. Part of your destiny is to live and experience the clash of these opposites in order to arrive at a genuine, creative solution. In fact, you may need to spend most of your life perfecting that process for the benefit of mankind.
A clue to the solution is that you've got Extraverted Jupiter in Conjunction with Introverted Saturn in the sign of the Alchemist, Libra. The Univese is saying, fundamentally, that you've got what it takes to harness the energy of these clashing opposites, but until you've worked with them sufficiently and consciously, the answer is not going to be all that clear. Like Faust, you could make a pact with the Devil and have the solution handed to you on a silver platter. But that would deprive you of the satisfaction that you are going to experience from the conscious taming of these difficult energies. Being able to name them is extremely helpful and very powerful. When we're gripped by any mood, it's as though we're being completely taken over by an uncontrollable force. It's like being posessed...so just don't believe that any pact with Mephistopheles is going to make your life easier. By simply being able to say "I'm posessed by a mood" you begin to break the spell and the hold the mood has on you. It's as though you've been thrown into a huge paper bag, and just saying those words orients you to consciousness enough to figure out, well you know...how to punch your way out of it. It may seem ridiculous...but that's all any mood really is...a giant paper bag that we often can't seem to orient ourselves properly enough to punch through.
Just remember that you simply cannot control moods in the sense of avoiding them. They are part of being alive. But you don't have to be controlled BY them. You'll do just fine...read Faust.
kristo